


Pirozhki!!! on Ice

by glitterpile



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Pole Dancing, Translation, pirozhki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 07:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14869605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterpile/pseuds/glitterpile
Summary: A collection of pirozhki-poems for Yuri!!! on IceTranslated from Russian





	Pirozhki!!! on Ice

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Пирожки!!! on Ice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14070057) by [mommy_Vulture](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mommy_Vulture/pseuds/mommy_Vulture). 



> Written for the Yuri!!! on ice team challenge during the winter Fandom battle 2018. 
> 
> FAQ:  
> Pirozhok-poem - a humorous four-line poem, with no rhyming, numerals, capitals or punctuation, written in iambic quadrameter. 
> 
> ___________________________________________  
> WARNINGS: TRASH, SLASH, MOCKERY, OMEGAVERSE, STRIPPER POLE AND SODOMY 
> 
> Also posted on [ficbook](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6662864)
> 
>  
> 
> Translator's notes: don't take the warnings too seriously, we're not going past T rating here. And it's all shameless crack anyway.
> 
> Pirozhki-poems emerged on the Russian parts of the internet around 2005 according to my quick googling. Poems must be 9/8/9/8 syllables. There's not supposed to be any punctuation so I hope you'll forgive me for using apostrophes.

come on a chess match at the least please  
insistently knocks vitya more  
but yuuri barricades in solid  
nikiforov hears check and mate 

*** 

why thank you katsuki hiroko  
for ten rooms that my luggage needs  
and by the way let's clear the floor here  
today will come the baby grand

*** 

the clients shocked and kids are crying  
okaasan blushing father mad  
there viktor stretches yuuri’s legs up  
in hot springs right out on display

*** 

strong discipline is yuuri’s passion  
surprising is his viktor's thing  
the onsen walls are made of paper  
no-one will get to sleep tonight

*** 

be brother father or your friend now  
i’ll be whatever you may wish  
but once I dreamed to catch them all so  
okay fuck pika pikapi 

*** 

so lean and handsome this coach viktor  
a london dandy is his style  
but castiel has his objections  
i found you bitch give back that coat 

*** 

omegaverse befell once yuuri  
the banquet happened in au  
their child was grey haired not from vitya  
the grey hairs purely are from shame

*** 

i’m bashful makkachin can see me  
no touching til all lights are off  
what striptease are you on bout vitya  
a nightmare why i never would

*** 

gold medal husbands feeling tension  
on men’s health cover viktor stars  
the katsudon just pouts and glowers  
he’s us weekly’s fodder yet 

***

my ass was squeezed and groped by christophe  
suggested threesome with a smirk  
wow yuuri shameless just like usual  
and by the way what time and where

*** 

be brother father or your friend now  
i’ll be whatever you may wish  
no viktor be yourself that’s plenty  
wait what you do stop undress help 

*** 

why are you shaming us so viktor  
why did you drink so much baiju  
why pulled that black thong off in public  
whose thong was that the night’s a blur

*** 

unlimited draw credit statement  
katsuki senior had a glance  
wine bottles condoms wedding rings pair  
they stole the mastercard oh shit

*** 

the roomy st peter’s apartment  
was shown to katsuki by vik  
there’s kitchen balcony and bedroom  
and soon the pole goes somewhere here

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I managed to relay even a quarter of the laughter that these poems caused when I originally read them.
> 
> Sorry, I won't be translating chapter 2. Otayuri and Pliroy are not my thing.
> 
> You can tell me what you think of this ridiculousness on my [tumblr](https://tasty-pile-of-glitter.tumblr.com/)


End file.
